Emotional Affairs
Oftentimes, when we think of affairs, we think of people ending up in one-night stands. However, that is not the most common type of affair. The most common type of affair is the one that starts off as an emotional affair. Typically, emotional affairs begin inno¬cently enough. Two people start sharing their lives by “innocent conversation.” While there’s nothing wrong with that on the surface, it's when boundaries begin to be crossed and the relationship evolves beyond “just friends” and the slippery slope into a full-blown affair begins.

Here are ten warning signs that you’re in an emotional affair:
• Thinking or saying, "we're just friends.” If you have caught yourself thinking or saying, "we're just friends," you are probably already headed towards trouble. "We're just friends" are three of the most dangerous words for an existing relationship. Generally speaking, the “we’re just friends” phrase is said to ratio¬nalize something you know is wrong. Consider this play on words: “rationalize” might also mean "rational lies.”
• Thinking and daydreaming about this “friend” more and more often. This should be a clue that you’re headed down the wrong path. Do you think and daydream about your regular friends in this way? Probably not! Likewise, if you’re looking forward to the next time you can see and/or talk to the friend or you feel excite¬ment and anticipation, a quick¬ening of your pulse, as you get ready to see this person, you better watch out!
• Wanting to tell your friend first when something happens in your day. This means that your friend has become your pri¬mary emotional confidant for sharing intimate emotions. This is not a good sign because emo¬tional affairs can be harder to break than purely physical ones.
• Sharing intimate problems with your friend. This is especially dangerous if you are sharing problems in your mar¬riage or relationship with your friend.
• You believe your friend understands you much more than your spouse or long-term partner. Of course, it looks like he or she does on the surface, but that is part of the illusion of having an af¬fair. If you’re at this point, you’re being drawn away from your partner and toward the friend.
• Keeping secrets. Secrets bond two people together against a third person, usually spouses or long-term partners.
• Giving gifts you would not normally give to a friend. Things to wear, jewelry, and other intimate gifts come with a message: “We are very close and can share.”
• Spending more and more time alone. Many times, people promise themselves that nothing will hap¬pen, but the temptation and avail¬ability of time alone is too much to resist for most of us.

If you see yourself in most of these ten signs, you are probably already in the middle of a full-blown affair. Unfortunately, someone is go¬ing to get hurt no matter which way you turn. If you identify with four to seven of these signs, you still have a small window where you can escape without too much harm. While this may be difficult, you have to shift gears and back out of this dangerous situa¬tion. At this point, you must set some firm boundaries for yourself and your friendship so you do not slip backwards. If you see yourself in one to three of these signs, you are “flirting with disaster,” as the expression goes. Pay attention and get help if you need it.