Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Criteria for Narcissism

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), lack of empathy, and hypersensitivity to the evaluation of others, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by at least five of the following:

(1) reacts to criticism with feelings of rage, shame, or humiliation (even if not expressed);

(2) is interpersonally exploitative: takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends;

(3) has a grandiose sense of self-importance, e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be noticed as “special” without appropriate achievement;

(4) believes that his or her problems are unique and can be understood only by other special people;

(5) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love;

(6) has a sense of entitlement: unreasonable expectation of especially favor-able treatment, e.g., assumes that he or she does not have to wait in line when others must do so;

(7) requires constant attention and admiration, e.g., keeps fishing for compli-ments;

(8) lack of empathy: inability to recognize and experience how others feel, e.g., annoyance and surprise when a friend who is seriously ill cancels a date; and/or

(9) is preoccupied with feelings of envy.

Dr. Dave

I've had a few feelings of that myself but I know of some people who are even worse than I. Those are the people I battle with the most. I think I battle with them because I am most like them. I think I have narcissitic symptoms because I don't know how to deal with my lack of parental attention. I've raised myself for the most part and I crave attention (negative or otherwise) because I need some form, any form, to make me feel like I have made an impact. I've taken a step back from some forums because I realize that's not healthy and it's not making me happy. I think I argue with people who are the most like me in personality and that scares me. I have learned not to hate them and that is a huge step for me. I don't know exactly why I feel like this...

Any insights?

~Aztec

Aztec,

Well, the short answer to this is that we all have some narcissistic traits. That's pretty common, actually. All that means is that we all have times when our own needs come before someone else's. The more narcissistic people are, the more times their own needs come before others.

People who have the full-fledged personality disorder rarely consider anyone else's feelings, wants, or desires.

In my experience, I think we all tend to argue with people who are most like us...it's funny how it works that way. I don't have a good answer as to why it works that way, but, nonetheless, it does.

Most people like attention...and, you're right, negative attention is better than no attention! We all struggle with things in life...we all have things we're good at and things we're not good at...we all have strengths and weaknesses...life is a never-ending process of growth and personal evaluation...as long as you're exploring your place in the world, you're off to a very good start! I've always encouraged my patients/clients to watch people and take other people's strengths/positive points and claim them as their own. When you've done that long enough, you'll be amazed at how much you've grown as a person.

Dr. Dave